I'm Jus Sayin'

I heard Chris Rock mention recently that all is fair in love. A little cliché but true nonetheless. Should you deny yourself the chance at love because of loyalty to a friend? We all try to justify our actions in some way. Is she really a friend or merely an acquaintance? How long did they date? Did they really date or were they just “kickin it”?
I asked my soon to be sixteen year old daughter this question (High School Blues) and she answered emphatically NO! It’s NEVER ok. So, being me, I say “so you mean no girl can ever like any boy you have ever liked, ever?” And she answers without missing a beat, “not my friend”.
Ok, I get it and I have been of the same belief since I was about her age, even when I have had more in common with my friend’s boyfriend than she did. I would befriend dude because of his relationship with my friend only for them to break up down the line. It seems sort of “icky” to say the least that you would consider having relations with someone that you KNOW was intimate with a friend. But let’s just say you do decide to cross the line. Can you all remain friends? Would you always wonder if they were still “kickin it”?

Does your girlfriend have daddy issues?

The first man a girl falls in love with is her father. He determines what type of woman she becomes and what type of man she selects. Even in his absence. If a girl doesn’t know her father, she will create one in her head. She will create an image of who her ideal daddy is and how much he would love her if only he could.
Life for a girl without a father can go several ways.
1. She can go in search of a father figure; selecting older men who she feels can take care of her. She might be a little needy or demanding.
2. She can become bitter before her time not trusting any many with her heart. No matter how much you love her she won’t feel worthy.
3. She can move from man to man trading her body for what she thinks is love.
4. She can pretend everything is fine. She is just waiting for you to abandon her.
Of course there are women who will say they didn’t have a father and they turned out just fine. Do you believe that?
If a man is actively INVOLVED in his daughter’s life he will ultimately help her make healthy choices later in life. It isn't enough to be around, you have to be involved.

No more Baby Mama

There is a campaign going to retire the word Swagger. While we are at it, can we retire Baby Mama and Baby Daddy? I absolutely refuse to turn 9 months of pregnancy, a combined week of labor and the last 15 years and 10 months of parenting into a term of such accusation and disgust. Just because I couldn’t be a successful partner doesn’t mean I am not a successful MOTHER and co-parent to my children.
I hate to be referred to as “baby mama". How about “this is Lolita’s mother”? Or better yet, “this is Kena…Lolita’s mother”. It seems that along with the term baby mama comes the expectation of drama. Often times there is no drama involved when two people decide that although they like each other, they are just not in love enough to stay together. Those two people can work together to build a life for the child they share. The trick is to be open and honest about your expectations and what you are willing to compromise. We all want what is best for the kids. They are the only ones who really matter in this mess called life. How can a child respect either parent when they hear their mom or dad refer to the other one as baby mama or baby daddy? Doesn’t that kind of downplay how they came to be?

Is the Step-Mother always Wicked?

Is it something about a wedding ring that makes a woman forget that dude has kids with someone else? Why don’t women realize that your life instantly changes when you become a step-parent? We would all like to think that we are big enough to open our hearts and homes to the love of our lives kids. There are real emotions that you can never predict. His children are a constant reminder that you indeed were not his first. Even if his story is that she tricked him or that she is some gold digger, you have to at least question his decision making skills. There will be jealousy, anger, frustration and a myriad of other emotions that you will experience. If you DECIDE to have children of your own with him, regardless of what you say to him, you will expect that he treats your children together “better” than he does the ones he has with the “trifling ho” that tricked him into having his baby. Every time he writes out a check for child support you will realize that it is taking away from your household. That is if he is even paying child support. Let’s hope that you would be the type of woman that would encourage your husband to take care of his child(ren). If you are not, maybe your desire to be a WIFE surpasses your desire to do what’s right.
Does being selfish when picking a mate make you a bad person? No. You have the right to set standards for the person you will potentially spend the rest of your life with. I would suggest that prior to picking out your bridesmaids dresses, you sit down with your mate and have an open , honest discussion of what you expect and how you intend to fit in to his ready-made family. Here are some questions to start the dialogue:
1. How many kids do you have? (you probably should know that before you say yes to his proposal)
2. Do you pay child support? Are you in arrears?
3. How much time do you spend with your kids NOW? Do you have a custody/visitation order in place?
4. Are you on good terms with the mother?
5. What role will I play in disciplining the kids?
If you don’t think this conversation is necessary you will have a rude awakening the first time he gets out of bed with you in the middle of the night to go to the emergency room to sit with his ex and THEIR baby.

Mike Vick-Where's the Story?

All he did was kill some dogs…right? Why don’t we cut him some slack? He did his time. Why is it taking him so long to be signed?
Maybe someone can explain it to me. If he were a stockbroker and convicted of running a prostitution ring; would he be allowed to seamlessly return to Wall Street after serving his time?
Don’t shoot the messenger (you could always strap me to a mating harness and let …ok never mind)
I am not a big fan of football. I couldn’t tell you what his average was, or how many yards he ran for. I can say that everyone deserves a second chance. If football is all he knows then he should be allowed to return to the game. What we can do from this point is teach our young boys that while they are in college pursing the NFL instead of the M.B.A; have a back up plan. I applaud Michael Vick for now reaching out to inner city youth warning them of the dangers of dog fighting. Animals should never have to die to make a millionaire hood rich. If only someone could have gotten this message to him 3 years ago. I am confidant that we are a very forgiving society. Vick will once again make millions for himself and the billionaire owner who eventually signs him.

RIP..Blue

I'm just sayin

Is it ever cool to stand in front of someone's little ass cubicle at work & carry on an entire conversation on decible 25 with SOMEONE ELSE????
I'm just sayin.....

Is Sex A Deal Breaker?

If you met the man/woman of your dreams would the fact that they didn’t blow your mind in the bedroom be a deal breaker? The conversation is great. You always have fun together. You are physically attracted to each other. You have similar life goals but no matter how hard you try you cannot find the big O. Most people do not agree to spend the rest of their lives together only to HAVE to sleep with other people. If we are honest with ourselves, sex is a very big part of any relationship.

When you wrote out your list of qualities you look for in a mate did you include sexual compatibility? If not, re-write your list. Today.

In the words of Rrahh...I'm a Flirt

I watched Dr. Phil today and the topic was about flirting. What stuck out to me was the married couple profiled. The husband would flirt with women in front of his wife. He picked a chick up in a bar and carried her on his shoulders to the bathroom. He chased his wife’s friend around a pool and tackled her into the water. IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE. Craziness. He didn’t think he was a flirt. When Dr. Phil asked him what he thought was flirting, this nut job said and I kind of quote “grabbing a woman’s butt or genitals and or kissing” WTF? Since he wasn’t doing any of those things he said his wife should not be upset and she was just insecure. He thinks he is just super friendly. I think he is a scumbag. I have a lot of male friends and none of them pick me up and carry me ANYWHERE. And not one of their crazy behinds would fondle random skanks in front of their wives. What’s really going on?
I don’t know if I could live with a man who constantly searched out the attention of OTHER women. It’s one thing to innocently flirt but when it becomes disrespectful it is definitely time to reevaluate your relationship.

I am a pretty good catch! Why haven't I been snatched up yet?

Are you one of the last of your friends to be married? Have you ever wondered what it is about you that scares even the most eligible of bachelors away? How many times have you heard it’s not you it’s me? I hate to tell you this……It is YOU. Harsh? Yes True? Probably.
Let’s face it. If you are somewhat attractive, a nice person, health conscious (you don’t eat fast food everyday and take an occasional walk), a good friend, have a good sense of humor AND have your own dough and you are still single AND OVER 35; it is the choices YOU are making that is keeping you from walking down the aisle.
Think about it for a minute. Are you picking the same guy over and over but don’t understand why your relationships don’t last? Maybe you are attracted to ineligible men because it is YOU who is afraid of commitment. Maybe you are extremely picky (He sweats too much) because if no one can live up to your expectations you can’t be let down or disappointed.
Remember: Same actions, same results. Try something different. Start with working on you.

I'm Jus Sayin'

If you are 40 and haven’t realized your dream of becoming a rapper…it’s time to get a new dream. I’m jus sayin!

Dating in the Workplace-What were you thinking?

You spend 75% of your life at work. It’s inevitable that you will become attracted to someone you work with. I am not a scientist and haven’t done any polls so any statistics I throw out at you will more than likely be wrong but I digress. What better place to get your man hunt on? You already know the basics:
1. Does he have a job? Check
2. Is he married? No pictures of women in bridal dresses on the desk. Check
3. Does he have any kids? He doesn’t complain about Child Support and the ”Man”….Check

After 20 nightmarish blind dates and countless emails from BLACKPEOPLEMEET.COM or e-Harmony, co-worker boy is starting to look very desirable. Sure he eats out every day and talks loudly on the phone. Maybe he can’t cook and is a little hard of hearing. That pales in comparison to BD18 (Blind date # 18) who coughed all night and tried to share your nachos. So you make your move, subtly getting his attention. He seems interested. What could go wrong?

1st date- nice but no real spark. Maybe he is just shy.
2nd date-nice, conversation is a little more interesting but still no spark. You think to yourself “we work together we can at least be friends”.

You assume he feels the same. Then something strange happens. You come to work and he is suddenly Mr. Popular. You brush it off as being paranoid. You could swear that the custodian looked at you and giggled. Women start whispering when you walk by. You hear that song in your head “somebody’s watching me” by that dude and Michael Jackson. He asks you to lunch. You decline. He comes to your desk at inappropriate times. You ask him to chill. He calls you babe in a meeting. You begin mentally filing a restraining order.
What were you thinking?